To John, my “home” away from home … but not really. Rather my “home” within our “real Home.”
Since Jesus is our real Home And we both abide/dwell/live in Him right now, we are an earthly refuge, a safe place, a home for each other while we are still in our earthly abode. We are a place where we can be fully ourselves …safely.
Read MorePS For our 51st:
This 51st year of our marriage has brought home the memory of our early descriptions of one another.
John, remember how you used to call me. your “kick in the pants”?
And I recognized you as my “tether to the ground”?
So Mobilizer Me married Stabilizer You 51 years ago. What in reality was an asset from the start became one of our greatest struggles. But I feel this year, we have come to some turning points in accepting and appreciating these differences in each other. (Do you?) Why has it taken us so long and why has it been so hard?
November 27, 1971
Dear John Loyd, Thank you for 50 years together of “married bliss.”
Fifty years of struggling to learn how to do life together… to care for one another … to throw off the lies we believed about what marriage was all about … like those lies of the extreme views of the total headship of the male and the extreme submission of the female — those lies just about killed the love we started out with, didn’t they?
Read MoreJohn and I have been married 49 years today, and I have just now come to the realization . . . no, the revelation by the Holy Spirit . . .
And why is that?
Because marriage is a picture of the oneness we experience with Christ the true Lover of our souls. And the evil one loves to mar God’s pictures.
Read More“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.”
And I couldn’t help but think that this is a good theme for this stage of John’s and my marriage.
How so, you ask?
Read MoreAnother anniversary and a sad realization. We haven’t been doing a very good job at “touching each other’s soul” for the past 47 years.
I wasn’t even going to write this year, because I’m tired and kind of blank. But then this came in my email this morning, and I knew my thought for the next year of our marriage. So I am thankful for some more time to be refined in this way.
Read MoreMarriage is a curious thing ... each year can be very different than the one before. This has been no less true for us and this, our 45th year of marriage.
An interesting year, this 45th. It began with my 91 y.o. mom's home going (so hard!); then the publication and launch of my book The With-ness of our God (so exciting!); and in February, retirement ... for both of us (the jury is still out!)
Smooth sailing at first, then upheaval over a home renovation project going south, house in total disarray because of the work being done ... feeling like never ending. On top of it all, the "new normal" impossible to find.
Read MoreDearest Jan, Today we have been having some fun listening to a song that you and everyone else at Kroger were humming this afternoon, The Longest Time by Billy Joel. Some of the words of that song speak to me about our relationship over the years.
Nov 27, 1971
If you said goodbye to me tonightThere would still be music left to writeWhat else could I doI'm so inspired by you
(That hasn't happened for the longest time) ... Yes, there were times when neither one of us was inspired by other, probably even the opposite in some instances. But I have learned so much from you about our relationship with Christ that I am inspired by you to search and experience more.
And the greatest miracle of allIs how I need youAnd how you needed me too
(That hasn't happened for the longest time) ... Yes, there were times when we were quite distant emotionally from each other. But over the years we have drawn strength and support from one another during the hard times and now we are reaping the benefit in working together rather than against each other.
Now I know the woman that you are
(That hasn't happened for the longest time) ... And probably never will, for what man can truly say he understands the depths of his bride. But I have lately come to truly appreciate who you are more than I could/should have in the years past.
In The Longest Time, there is some question as to the eventual outcome of the relationship. However, you and I have a favorite song that speaks to an enduring and endearing relationship, which I am looking forward to sharing with you in whatever years we have left. In fact, you may have blogged about this song on previous anniversaries, Holding Hands by Steve Green.
I think you ought to know thatI intend to hold you for the longest time, John
"Forty years...to the same man?!" So asked one of my ESL students, amazed! "How old ARE you?!" Retorted a GED student of mine, after learning of my 40 years of marriage.
Actually old enough to be married 43 years today!
Marriage for now 43 years hasn't always been easy to say the least. (See another year's post for some specifics). In fact, marriage is God's trick, according to one respected Christian author I follow. If you achieve bliss, enjoy it because it will be fleeting. Why? Because marriage is less about making us happy and more about making us holy...and desperate for our Savior Jesus!
My husband John is a precious man. I can hardly believe he has endured all these years with me, never wavering, always faithful and true, despite my "crustiness!"
In fact, in a recent conversation of ours, I likened myself to a character in the well-known short story, The Ransom of Red Chief.
The Ransom of Red Chief is a 1910 short story by O. Henry. It follows two men who kidnap and attempt to ransom a wealthy Alabaman's son; eventually, the men are driven to distraction by the boy and end up having to pay the boy's father to take him back.
At times I have been like that boy and have driven my poor husband to distraction.
But thankfully, John has kept me and I have kept him. And we thank God for each other...despite, or maybe because of, our struggles. Because as we have been saying in recent years,
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.
Our times are in his hand who saith,
'A whole I planned, youth shows but half;
Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'
Robert Browning
So on this our 43rd anniversary, I thank God and you, dear John Loyd, for all these years...of occasional bliss, growing friendship, challenging companionship, increasing oneness, and enduring sacrificial love.
O magnify the LORD with me,And let us exalt His name together. Psalm 34:3 Our wedding verse November 27, 1971
HOLDING HANDS
One day, far away, you gently won my heart
And one night, by candlelight, we made a vow to never part
And then it seemed just like a dream
When wide eyed, side by side
We faced the future holding hands
Years fly, they hurry by, the simple times are gone
Bills due, a kid or two, a week can feel eight days long
By fading light, let's kiss goodnight
And then we trace God's daily grace
Thankful we're still holding hands
There's a hope that won't let go
There's a truth we know
God is holding us In His arms
Thoughts stray far away to all that lies ahead
In frail days when strength fades
Will we still mean all that we said?
Our love's secure, so rest assured
Come what may 'til that day
We'll walk forever holding hands
By God's grace 'til that day
We'll walk forever holding hands
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdX15209s6A[/youtube]
See John's response
*Last year's anniversary post...with the numbers changed :) Thank you, Lord, for another year together...by Your grace! Amen!
John on Thanksgiving at Beth's
Jan recently wrote about our anniversary, referencing The Ransom of Red Chief,
a short story in which the kidnappers end up paying the father to take his Dennis the Menace son back. The context of our discussion was her plans to go for a walk around our daughter’s neighborhood in California. She said, “If you don’t hear from me after a while, come looking for me in case someone has kidnapped me."
I said, “Well, they wouldn’t realize the prize they have.” Because she is a prize to me and has been a blessing, not only to me for forty-one years, but also to her children, grand children, brothers, sisters, mom, family, friends, acquaintances, students, and random one-time encounters. Everyone is her friend, and she is always thinking of ways to help someone else. In fact, the kidnappers would most likely become the target of her concerns.
Jan smiled, “Yeah, like the ransom of Red Chief, right?”
“That’s not what I meant,” I wisely replied. But upon further reflection, her kind intentions might drive the kidnappers to distraction from their intended purpose and cause them to offer to pay me to take her back. That’s just the kind of person she is.
Our Wedding Verse, November 27, 1971
O magnify the LORD with me, And let us exalt His name together. Psalm 34:3
How starry-eyed and "in love" we were 40 years ago as we chose for our wedding song..
We've only just begun to live
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way
(We've only begun)
Before the risin' sun, we fly
So many roads to choose
We'll start out walkin' and learn to run
And yes, we've just begun
Sharing horizons that are new to us
Watching the signs along the way
Talkin' it over, just the two of us
Workin' together day to day
Together Together
And when the evening comes, we smile
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there's room to grow
And yes, we've just begun
We did find a place where there was room to grow...in each other's arms and in the Arms of our Father God.
But we didn't realize how much "dying" it would take to grow...and to live as one, did we?
...unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:24
We didn't count on the stresses of everyday life being so...REAL:
making a living
parenting
changes of vocation
job losses
miscarriage
my chronic mysterious health problems
serious health crises in both of our beloved children
aging of our mothers
deaths of our fathers
your heart attack...and the list goes on
We didn't realize how hard it would be to "coordinate" our very different personalities:
YOU: introverted, quiet, analytical, observant, unemotional, thoughtful before acting...an only child of an only child mom
ME: extroverted, loud (at times), intuitive, emotional, initiating...oldest of 7 (and "the boss of the mob," as my mother says)
But according to a friend, we are the "poster children" of how the Lord's indwelling life can empower a couple, so opposite in every way, to live with each other with a measure of harmony....though not without "duking it out" at times. :)
Thanksgiving 2011
So now, I say, we've only just begun...
to live a life together rooted in true love (better than just being "in love") and to experience the friendship and companionship that come from walking through the joys and sorrows of life together.
And so, my darling John,
Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be,
the last of life, for which the first was made.
Our times are in his hand who saith,
'A whole I planned, youth shows but half;
Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'
Robert Browning
HOLDING HANDS
One day, far away, you gently won my heart
And one night, by candlelight, we made a vow to never part
And then it seemed just like a dream
When wide eyed, side by side
We faced the future holding hands
Years fly, they hurry by, the simple times are gone
Bills due, a kid or two, a week can feel eight days long
By fading light, let's kiss goodnight And then we trace God's daily grace
Thankful we're still holding hands
There's a hope that won't let go
There's a truth we know God is holding us In His arms
Thoughts stray far away to all that lies ahead
In frail days when strength fades
Will we still mean all that we said?
Our love's secure, so rest assured
Come what may 'til that day
We'll walk forever holding hands
By God's grace 'til that day
We'll walk forever holding hands
Janet Renner Loyd has been a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ most of her life. Her formal education includes a degree in education from the University of Arizona and also a degree in Bible & Theology from Moody Bible Institute. For more than thirty years, she has been involved in teaching and leading women’s Bible studies, retreats, and meetings…most notably Precept upon Precept and various studies that she has personally developed. Professionally, Jan recently retired from teaching language and writing to GED and adult ESOL students.
About her life, Jan says, “The most important thing about me is my relationship with my Father God through my Lord Jesus Christ. I am forever grateful to Him for His love, mercy, and grace to me and my family and friends...and the world.”
Jan has been happily married to John Loyd for more than forty years. They have two adult, married children and five lively young grandsons.
