WHAT IF God Was There the Whole Time?

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He was!

Yes, we know that, but when we are hurting or are trying to move on from past rejections and past “abuse,” (no matter big or small), we may feel that we were all alone in that terrible time.

Well recently, I was going through actually feeling the emotional hurt of some of those past things. They had stayed locked up inside, because I learned to stuff emotions (especially what we term “negative emotions”) and stoically move on … oftentimes, thinking that was the spiritual thing to do.

Well the flood gates began to open. I sensed that feeling the grief and hurt from stuffed incident after stuffed incident was part of God’s process for me to truly forgive (not just as a decision, but from the depths) and to truly move on.

As I cried, grieved, prayed, and journaled, the lightbulb went on! I realized that God had spoken into incident after incident. He had been intimately there with me, not just “there” because He is everywhere. No, He was tenderly, caring-ly there for me. And He had said specific words, words like,

  • I’m a Father who takes care of His chidren.

  • You’re the “Apple of MY Eye."

  • I’m your Source, not your husband, not your children, not your grandchildren, not your friends, not your church, not your job ....

  • You can fit anywhere because you don’t fit anywhere. No one owns you —- you belong to ME!

  • I have your picture on MY mantle.

  • Well done, my good and faithful servant. You did it for ME, not primarily for them.

And many other words to set my heart free … free to move on.

In the meantime, a sister in the Lord in my ZOOM Bible study/prayer group shared a song that helped me with the process of feeling the past hurts. I sobbed and sobbed every time I heard it. It’s based on Psalm 139. I had never paid much attention to this particular stanza … never, until now.

Here is the psalm and then the song.

May the Lord use them in your own life to help you feel some of those past hurts in His Presence, listen for His Voice, and see where He was in it the whole time. So you too can get free, forgive from the heart (not just the will), and move on:

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
f I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
Psalm 139:7-12 NLT

Where can I go from Your Spirit
And where can I hide from Your love
When I am hurting
It comforts me to know
Nothing can take away Your love
Nothing can take Your love

Where can I go from Your Spirit
(Where can I hide)
And where can I hide from Your love
When I am hurting
It comforts me to know
Nothing can take away Your love
Nothing can take Your love

If I ascend to the heavens
You are there
If I make my bed in hell
You are there
And if I take the wings of dawn
And I fly across the sea
Even then Your hand will lead me
Your right hand will hold me

Oh, where can I go from Your Spirit
(Tell me, where can I hide)
And where can I hide from Your love
When I am hurting
It comforts me to know
Nothing can take away Your love
Oh, nothing can take Your love

When the darkness overwhelms me
You are there
When my day gives way to night
You are there
Well, all my ways are known to You
And when this life is through
Even then Your hand will lead me
Your right hand will hold me

Oh, where can I go from Your Spirit
(Tell me, where can I hide)
And where can I hide from Your love
When I am hurting
It comforts me to know
Oh, it comforts me to know
Oh, nothing can take away Your love
Nothing can take Your love

When I am hurting
It comforts me to know
Nothing can take away Your love
Nothing can take Your love