June 20, 2020

Remembering my Dad

June 20, 2020/ jan

I'm so thankful for the man that GOD chose to be my earthly father. I wish I had had more time to get to know him as a person. He died young ... just 60! Twelve years on earth less than I have had to this point.

Here are my reflections of my dad from a post a few years ago. I hit a grief that caught me by surprise:
An Unexpected Grief, first posted November 2016…

There I was, sitting at the stop light. All of a sudden, an overwhelming grief ... not primarily for my mom who died an exact year before, almost to the day. No, for my dad ... who had died in 1983 right before Thanksgiving.

But why am I grieving now ... why this year, when I hadn't thought of him at this time other years?

I tried to track my train of thought and realized that my thoughts had gone from grieving over my mistakes in my parenting to the difficulties in my own childhood home.

June 19, 2020

I Have a Father

June 19, 2020/ jan

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. …As we come up to Fathers’ Day, I’m remembering this song. Its a heart-warming reminder of my True Father, and it grabs my grieving soul with its moving music and lyric.

You see, the beautiful person deep inside my earthly father had been often obscured by the abuse of alcohol that trapped his soul and body. (Remembering My Dad)

Oh how sad and painfully tragic! Oh how I miss the real Daddy whom I truly loved yet often “hated” at the same time.

June 18, 2020

A Spiritual Father: Abba's Child

June 18, 2020/ jan

We are not cowed into timidity by death and life. Were we forced to rely on our own shabby resources we would be pitiful people indeed. But the awareness of Christ's present risenness persuades us that we are buoyed up and carried on by a life greater than our own.

The Christ within who is our hope of glory is not a matter of theological debate or philosophical speculation. He is not a hobby, a part-time project, a good theme for a book, or a last resort when all human effort fails. He is our life, the most real fact about us. He is the power and wisdom of God dwelling within us.

June 17, 2020

A Spiritual Father: Bread for my Soul's Journey

June 17, 2020/ jan

One of my spiritual fathers was still alive on this earth when I first "met" him. Henri J. M. Nouwen (January 24, 1932 – September 21, 1996) was a Dutch Catholic priest and writer who authored 40 books on the spiritual life.

Our "meeting" came in two ways. A mentor friend of mine pointed me to Nouwen's classic work, The Return of the Prodigal Son. This is an amazing book based on meditations on Rembrandt's painting by the same name. (See my previous post for a favorite quote).

June 16, 2020

A Spiritual Father: a Modern-day Prophet

June 16, 2020/ jan

My husband John and I were students at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago in the mid-1970's. It was during our student days at Moody that we were introduced to A.W. Tozer. My impression of Tozer at that time was that he was a somewhat controversial Chicago pastor of recent years who had a unique gift for being very sound biblically but at the same time shaking up the conservative evangelical "troops." I bought a set of his volumes entitled, The Tozer Pulpit and enjoyed his fiery words. He said such things as...

One hundred religious persons knit into a unity by careful organization do not constitute a church any more than eleven dead men make a football team. . . .

June 14, 2020

A Spiritual Father: Abide in Christ in Faith-filled Surrender

June 14, 2020/ jan

How do I abide in Christ? How do I live the Christian life if it's by faith and not about "doing?" What is faith? These were questions that circled around, on and on in the midst of my confusion...that is until I "met" Andrew Murray. Actually, I had read him early in my Christian walk, but that was during the time that "faith formulas" and "to do lists" and "theological systems" were more the answers to my quests than was Christ Himself (although I didn't realize it at the time).

June 13, 2020

Spiritual Fathers: Dead and Alive

June 13, 2020/ jan

I am writing to you, fathers,because you know him who is from the beginning. 1 John 2:13,14 ESV

Since the month of June is Fathers Day month, I'm thinking about spiritual fathers. I've been blessed to have some. My life has been forever enriched by being "spiritually fathered" by these people of God.

So this month, I would like to share a few of them with you. But first, let's think together about "spiritual fathering."

June 10, 2020

Holes in my Soul: Thriving, Not Just Surviving

June 10, 2020/ jan

Do you ever feel like there are holes in your soul? I do. In fact, right now I feel a bit like a piece of Swiss cheese. And I don't mean "baby swiss." No, the real holes kind.

The interesting thing is that nothing bad is going on right now in my life. It's all good stuff! But the constancy of the schedule with a newborn (darling first granddaughter!), a two year old (energetic boy, I might add!), two older boys (awesome, each one!), plus sleep deprived young parents (getting ready for a military move next month, I might add), and two aged, also sleep-deprived, grandparents (John & me!) has been hard and delightful at the same time. But to be honest, we adults are all living "on the edge" of something (I just drew a blank as to what).

June 05, 2020

"I Don't Fit Anywhere, Lord"

June 05, 2020/ jan

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Like you don’t fit anywhere?

Welcome to the club. But it’s not really a club, because as far as your feelings go, there are no other members, right?

Actually, feeling out of place CAN be a good thing. Let me tell you why.

May 30, 2020

A Morning Message -- Not a Victim of Circumstance

May 30, 2020/ jan

Mug of coffee in hand, I walk out into the early morning air, ready to commune with my Lord as I walk the circuitous path outside my home.

No one is stirring so I quietly sing my prayer-filled greeting to the Lover of my soul:

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart. . .

But today, there is a decision to be made, and we don’t know which way to go. So in the presence of my Lord, I’m thinking and praying as I walk along.

May 29, 2020

My Prayer Chair

May 29, 2020/ jan

I’m anticipating a meaningful addition to my “quiet place of reflection” deep down in the recesses of our home. It is a birthday gift, not to be hung until my mid June birthday.

But in preparation for the treasure of a gift, I have been thinking of this special place where I meet with God most mornings. My soul is still quiet before the hustle of my busyness intrudes upon the solitude.

Can I take you with me, dear reader, to visit my special place that embraces my “all-my-own” chair I have come to call my “Prayer chair”?

May 24, 2020

A Project for This Pandemic and Beyond: Remembering Stones

May 24, 2020/ jan

By this time in our “sequester” of sorts, we may be getting a bit bored. Things are beginning to open up, but maybe you are still cautious or going slowly out into “the unknown.”

Why not consider using some of your time on a project which can prove valuable for yourself and even for your children and grandchildren in years to come. What I am suggesting is to begin writing about your faith journey.

When I started writing mine, I remember thinking, “Oh how I wish my godly grandmother (“Babci”) and my godly mother had kept a journal or had written of their journey with God through the trials of life.”

But alas, they had not. And it was most likely not possible for them in their situations. But it was possible for me, so I began.

May 22, 2020

Behind the Mask to the Real . . . Pressing into 1 John 4

May 22, 2020/ jan

Each of us is a real person behind the masks we wear. Some of those masks are self-imposed to protect us from “being exposed” for who we are. They portray a false self.

But then there are other “masks” that are “good” in the sense they are rightful or necessary or “just are.” I say “masks” because they still can, in a sense, hide the real person inside. I’m thinking of the roles we have in life: mother, teacher, athlete, sister, wife, pastor, etc.

And I just realized something — our bodies can serve as masks…physical beauty or lack thereof, aging, physical handicaps etc. And here is a shocker. . .

May 19, 2020

"Removing our Masks" in this Pandemic . . . Pressing into Psalm 139

May 19, 2020/ jan

“Masks or no masks” has become a big controversial deal these days. But there are masks that have been a bigger deal than we have realized all along in most of our lives. They are the metaphorical “masks” that we humans tend to don, to hide who we really are from others….

But I have been thinking now of “masks” of a different sort… these "good “masks” can also tend to keep others from discovering the real me deep down inside. They are the masks of the “roles” I rightfully have in life. We are most often seen by others in our roles and maybe in no other way….

May 16, 2020

Loving and Being Loved in this Pandemic . . . Pressing into Philippians 2

May 16, 2020/ jan

I recently read somewhere on social media that we shouldn’t wear face masks during this pandemic because we are made in the image of God and His image is reflected in our faces.

Really?

True, it is hard to recognize someone if the bottom half of their face is covered. But I’ve been thinking about this lately . . .

“The eyes are the window of the soul,. . .

May 13, 2020

Getting a Grip in this Pandemic . . . Pressing into 1 Peter 5

May 13, 2020/ jan

Brothers and sisters, we all need to get a grip! Our God owes us nothing! Absolutely zip! As Americans, as His children, as ____________ (you fill in the blank with whatever you may think you are entitled to).

All is pure gift! Absolute grace! Amazingly unconditional love!

And He certainly doesn’t consider us Americans (because we are Americans) to be exempt from sacrifice and suffering. He doesn’t say we can call all our own shots because we are the land of the free, in contrast to the rest of the world.

May 11, 2020

Waiting Eagerly in this Pandemic . . . Pressing into Romans 8

May 11, 2020/ jan

It seems that we are all waiting these days, doesn’t it? What are you waiting for, my friend, . . . maybe even waiting eagerly?

Stores and restaurants to open? Jobs to call you back in? Hospitals and nursing homes to allow visitors? Schools to reopen? Playgrounds? Pools? Churches? Beaches? State Parks?

I’m waiting eagerly. NO! I’m chomping at the bit, to be able to drive two states over to be with my military “babies.” I’m waiting to be able to grab hold of my “babies,” young and old, near (here in Dayton) and far (there in Illinois), and hug and squeeze them. And I’ll bet you have loved ones that you are dying to grab hold of and HUG too.

May 08, 2020

The Emptying of Motherhood -- Alone? On Mothers' Day?

May 08, 2020/ jan

Motherhood is filled with emptyings -- from the emptying of the womb in childbirth to the emptying of self in child-raising to the emptying of the nest, the ultimate goal. The stripping is hard, every step along the way.

And eventually, it may mean being alone on the day when moms have always been lauded and honored. This happened to me early on in the empty-nesting process. It could have shattered me were it not for my Abba Father's loving gifts to this hurting mama.

Now in this pandemic, it may be an emptying that was totally unexpected.

May 07, 2020

Vineyard Tour Stop #6 -- Ah! the Harvest...All About Love, Always Is

May 07, 2020/ jan

Ah! the harvest! The reason the Vineyard exists!

When our daughter and family lived in southern California, I was able to observe grape vineyards in all major stages of growth -- from pruning to blooming with green fruit and leaves and finally to the harvest of ripe fruit followed by early stages of the "dying" process. All of this to begin again the Cycle of Life!

I love the metaphor of the Vine & the Branches in John 15! It encourages me in my FAITH . . .

May 05, 2020

Vineyard Tour Stop #5: Growth in the Vineyard -- Extending Grace to Ourselves and Others

May 05, 2020/ jan

One year, I celebrated my June birthday with my daughter and family in California. To my delight, Beth took me to my vineyard for lunch at the lovely restaurant there.

On the way to the Temecula vineyard area, I was amazed to see how the former ruthlessly pruned vines were now covered with lush green leaves. You may remember those stark vines from a previous post.

A Branch in the Vine